poetry and prose

Thank you, God for this opportunity to trust in you deeper. I find myself anxious in my mind. Wanting things MY way.. fears of falling outside my calorie range, wondering if I’m spending my time appropriately, wanting more quality time with my husband.. lost in the details of my thoughts..

I know my thoughts are just noise.. I become reactive to thoughts of food, fitness, FOMO… often feeling I must DO something to get away from this feeling.

My therapist brain asks me, “what if you could just be with that feeling? What if you didn’t have to do anything about it?”

Waves of relief crash over me.

Anxiety is always making me feel like I need to do more! It’s never enough. I lose sight of what my heart truly wants.

Paralysis by analysis for sure.

Anxiety feels like a 24/7 rave in my brain; the party never ends.

Something is telling me to get up and go for a walk.

But my legs are sore. It’s cold out there! And getting dark! And I’ve been doing stuff all day… a walk? Really??

I guess I have a sweatshirt and scarf and a way to keep warm.. some hot tea would be nice afterwards.

God, will you really make my dreams come true? Is it really possible?

I trust in you so deeply, but sometimes I feel scared of getting everything I’ve dreamed of. I wonder if that’s why it hasn’t come? Do I sabotage my life?

I can see why more time with you is needed in those moments… talking to you about my fears instead of making decisions out of my fear.

God, I love you. Thank you for listening.

I’ll put on my shoes and a nice cozy sweater. I’ll bring some hot tea and enjoy the cool weather.

Thank you, my God. I love you so dearly. Thank you for making my day rather neatly.